Are You Pressing the Right "Like" Button?

The curious tale of two buttons

Art by Catrin Welz-Stein

"Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes." ~ Carl Jung

Dear Reader,

This post takes a closer look at the Like Button – or whatever you prefer to call it. Whether you love it, hate it, or feel both ways, this little button wields enormous power and is here to stay. Let’s start with the external Like Button (LB) – the one that greets us here on Substack and all across social media. Then we’ll dive into the internal LB, the one that guides our decisions and helps us validate ourselves. We'll explore these buttons from a Jungian perspective, seeing how they tap into our collective unconscious and personal need for validation. But more importantly, let’s uncover how self-love plays a vital role in this curious case of two buttons. Which one are you pressing?

The External “Like” Button

For nearly a decade, my website, The Liberated Sheep, has been navigating the digital world without an external LB. Instead, readers have been engaging through comments alone, which, to my mind, creates much-needed connection and community. This experience has fuelled my curiosity and scepticism about the whole LB phenomenon, pushing me today to explore its psychological aspects. You see, connection has always been at the heart of my online presence, and it’s this deep sense of community that keeps me committed to having more nurturing conversations and seeking kindred spirits.

While exploring the psychology behind the Like Button, I found the insights fascinating. The simple pleasure of receiving a like is undeniable, but likes alone don’t really fill the void of loneliness or lack of connection people feel. It’s no surprise to learn that comments bridge this gap, making us feel seen, heard and less alone. Yet, even with this understanding, we still press the Like Button in our millions, a phenomenon I’m intrigued by. So, I’ve decided to dig a bit deeper.

Fishing for likes on social media is just like any other quest for seeking approval in the real world. We see countless stories of Facebook and YouTube likes being celebrated as if they were real-life awards. For example, “I got a million likes!” is considered a huge achievement. And even when just a few virtual friends engage, it brings us joy. On the flip side, not getting likes on special occasions can lead to disappointment and frustration. Consequently, we’ve built a culture around the external LB that pushes generations to seek validation outside themselves, often causing emotional turmoil and online conflicts – we’ve all seen them.

From a Jungian perspective (my favourite lens), this dynamic makes sense when we look at the concept of the persona. The external LB reflects our need to validate and reinforce our social mask, the persona or face we present to the world. This need often stems from our desire for love and acceptance, which can feel elusive in a digital world. The persona is like the mask we put on to fit in with what society expects from us, often hiding our true selves. Getting likes affirms the image we project and makes us feel accepted and valued by others. Conversely, not getting likes can leave us feeling rejected and unworthy.

It’s then, when we place too much importance on others’ opinions, that our emotional well-being takes a hit. Spending hours worrying about how we look, act and are being perceived can really mess with our sense of self. We end up giving our power away to others’ judgments, trapping ourselves in unhealthy dynamics. When we prioritise external validation over our own, we lose sight of who we really are. It's like we're on a hamster wheel, always chasing approval but never finding it.

So why does the Like Button challenge us? Let me give you an example: Last year on another platform, I received five likes from the same person in under a minute, which left me questioning if they even read my posts. Those rapid-fire likes didn’t feel genuine, and since this happened often there, I left. It’s a story of buttons, I reminded myself! While I’m not against using the LB or sharing buttons, I usually pair my likes with thoughtful comments. That’s just my way of showing love and appreciation to the writer. I get it – who has time to read every word online? Still, why bother liking a post if you haven’t actually read it?

Art by Catrin Welz-Stein

“If the light is in your heart, you will find your way home.” ~ Rumi

I have a feeling my views on the LB might not be liked (sorry, I couldn’t resist!). Yet, as a liberated sheep in her post-shepherd world, I’ve slowly found peace in words over buttons. To put it simply, I’m a poet who loves words, not buttons. So, let’s explore our internal LB next – the one that shapes our judgments and decisions. This internal button frees us from the need for external validation and lets us listen to our heart’s song.

The Internal “Like” Button

I believe we all have an internal LB – some call it the Self or the Soul. As a child, mine was dimmed by hurtful words and neglect. Growing up, I became a people-pleaser, often at my own expense, repeating those damaging patterns in my relationships. This deep-rooted wound held me captive for years. Yet, in my thirties, things started to change. The external LB slowly dimmed, while the internal one slowly brightened. In friendships too, I started seeking equality, choosing to be seen and heard, embracing my inner LB.

It may be becoming clear now that the internal “Like” button is all about our journey towards discovering our true selves and embracing self-love. It means recognising and embracing who we really are, without needing external validation. By relying on our internal LB, we move towards self-acceptance and authenticity, rather than seeking superficial approval from others. This is the process of becoming aware of and integrating all parts of ourselves, including the hidden aspects of our psyche, to become a more whole and genuine individual.

A great way of understanding this is when we stand our ground and rely on our own advice, even when others disagree. We discover a deep sense of happiness within ourselves. Along with this happiness comes self-respect, confidence, inner peace, courage, resilience, clarity and empowerment. Then, our internal LB shines brightly, for loving who we are means we're no longer choosing to harm ourselves. Sure, external opinions can influence us, but those with a strong internal LB attract kindred spirits. After all, like attracts like.

As a poet, I do not seek fame or accolades. I’m not interested in life’s gold watch; instead, I crave simplicity and just want to follow my heart. Admittedly, there was a time when trying to please others took me away from my own joy, and it was easier to trust others’ opinions than my own experiences. However, just now, as I was typing, these nostalgic lyrics came to mind: “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine. Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine,” and I swear the room lit up in response! For when we’re truly happy, we light up from the inside, don’t we?

From a Jungian perspective, craving likes can be seen as a way of compensating for our shadow, seeking external approval to cover up the parts of ourselves that we fear or reject. The individuation process encourages us to face and integrate our shadow, instead of seeking validation through likes. It's like when we post a poem, essay, photograph, or painting here, hoping for likes to feel better about ourselves. But deep down, we know it's just a temporary fix, as real growth comes from embracing all parts of ourselves, even the ones we don't like to show.

Our unhealthy need for likes pulls us away from who we really are, pushing us to do things for others instead of taking responsibility for ourselves. Until this trend fades, we’ll stay adrift, missing out on the joy of our own liberation. In order to become less dependent on the external LB, we have to first recognise our own value, or we’ll keep burdening others with our constant need for applause. Trusting in the internal, the eternal, will help us transcend doubt and fear. Sure, we like what we like, but by choosing the right button, we can totally transform our lives.

A Few More Thoughts

After diving into both the external and internal “Like” buttons, it’s clear which one leads to greater self-worth and self-love. For chasing validation from the external LB often misleads us, tethering our worth to the opinions of others and causing emotional chaos. Yet, within each of us, there’s an internal LB – a beacon of self-affirmation, compassion and real joy. By embracing this inner light and love, we can build genuine connections and uncover our authentic selves. Choosing to honour this internal compass helps us to find peace and fulfilment beyond the need for external approval.

Let’s give Carl Jung the last word on this button complex. In Jungian psychology, the ultimate goal is the realisation of the Self by integrating both our conscious and unconscious aspects. This journey involves acknowledging our shadow side – the hidden part we often deny. Pressing our internal "Like" button supports this goal, encouraging us to connect with our true Self and find inner peace and fulfilment. By embracing our inner light and shadow, we build genuine connection and experience greater wholeness.

So next time you notice those external Like Buttons, remember to pause and think about what really matters. Let your internal LB guide you and focus on authentic connections and self-affirmation. By valuing your own self-worth and trusting your inner voice, you'll find much happiness and fulfilment beyond the clicks and likes.

Thanks for reading! External likes aren’t necessary. Enjoy the freedom, as you like it! After all, in the game of hearts, it's the love we give ourselves that wins every time. If you have any musings or reflections on this curious case of two buttons, please share your thoughts in the comments below.

Let's connect hearts (not like buttons), find our tribe and share joy together.

Yours in words, Deborah

If my words strike a chord and you feel inspired to dive deeper into my poetry or explore my essays on Jungian thought, I invite you to visit: The Liberated Sheep