From Darkness to Light

The story of my first book

“The Starry Night” by Vincent van Gogh

"The wound is the place where the Light enters you." ~ Rumi

Dear Reader,

Have you ever felt your heart race with the thrill of achieving a lifelong dream? Picture this, the moment when your dream finally comes true, the culmination of years of hard work, crippling doubt and perseverance. My name is Deborah, and this is the story of my first book and its journey from darkness to light. It's also a glimpse into what could be the opening chapter of my memoir.

Before diving in, I'd like to highlight “The Frost Keepers”, an inspiring tale I read yesterday on patience and natural timing that encourages me today to reveal more of my journey. For much like the dormant seeds in Kristin's story, I too had to wait for the right moment to share my work. Thank you Kristin, for the beautiful reminder and creative inspiration. So, let me tell you my story.

The Early Years

From my mid-teens, I wrote poems – truthful pages of anguish that I hid in the dark beneath my bed like guilty secrets, shrouded in shame and fear. When I left home at eighteen with just ten minutes to pack, I took thirteen of these poems with me, not knowing the shadows of my childhood would continue to haunt me for years. Weeks later, I arrived in an old fishing town, far from home, and bought a large brown envelope from the Woolworths store to keep my poems in.

Two years later, when the envelope split from being overstuffed, I had to buy a new notebook and copied my poems over. That envelope and notebook became lanterns of light, holding my words as I began to emerge from the darkness of my past. Over the next thirty years, I nurtured these poems, adding to them and eventually buying three more journals. They became my "Starry Night," guiding me through the darkness and illuminating my path with hope and resilience.

Transformation and Growth

In my early thirties, I trained to become a psychotherapist, a new path that felt like a missing puzzle piece – a bright headlight guiding me through the fog of my journey. However, life soon became too busy to contemplate my first love, words. Navigating through an unhappy marriage, the births of my daughters, a life-changing divorce, and coming out as a gay woman, I found myself overwhelmed by so many of these challenges. Along the way, I encountered a dark Calypsonian lover and later, thankfully, met my beloved soulmate at forty. Most importantly, I wrote about finding my way back from the rooms where I had to disappear in order to keep my soul from being annihilated.

Fast forward through decades of personal growth and transformation, and the writing questions I had ignored over the years suddenly grew louder and more insistent as I approached my fiftieth birthday. What would become of my poems when I died, these diaries of my soul? I asked myself often. Then, like a gentle nudge one day, the answer revealed itself, I needed to gather them up and put them in a book, leaving my loved ones not only a legacy, but also a testament to my creativity.

Publishing My First Book

Self-publishing my first poetry collection was both exhilarating and daunting. Discovering the Blurb website gave me the opportunity to transform my poems into a cohesive, chronological tapestry, capturing my journey from fifteen to fifty. Creating the book took months – transferring my journaled poems, designing covers with text, title and photographs. Luckily, my wife was a photographer, which made designing the covers easier, though finding two stationary lambs was still quite a challenge! Pressing 'Publish' was pure magic – my hand shook with fear and delight as the shadows of my past dissipated, replaced by the light of accomplishment and hope.

The proof copy of “A Liberated Sheep in a Post Shepherd World” arrived a week later. Oh, how I whooped for joy and set about editing again. With my faith and confidence fully restored, I remember walking around my local supermarket that afternoon with the silliest smile you ever did see – a natural high of undeniable joy! After spending a couple of days revising previously overlooked errors, the final version of my book was complete. A sense of achievement washed over me, as I felt myself step from a long shadow into brilliant light.

My lifelong dream had come true – there it was, a tangible manifestation of ‘me’ in the world, glowing with the hard-won light of my journey. My poems, once hidden in darkness, now shone as a testament to my courage and hope. Since then, in the past ten years, I’ve written three more books and am already dreaming about the next one. This journey has taught me about the power of perseverance and dedication. For achieving a lifelong dream requires not only passion, but also hard work, patience and a discerning eye. The countless hours spent editing, designing, and perfecting my books highlights the joy of seeing each project through to the end.

Reflections and Lessons

One of the biggest lessons I've learned from my writing journey is the importance of personal resilience and having faith in your work, even when times are really tough. It's about continually revising and improving, even after the initial thrill of publishing fades. Today, the sense of fulfilment and gratitude I feel shows me just how powerful creative expression can be, not just for the writer, but for the reader as well.

Remember, during these turbulent times – violence, hatred, war, environmental crises, economic uncertainty, social injustice and political instability – to let your stories, poems and books shine as beacons of hope. Let them illuminate your life and guide others through their own struggles, reminding us we are not alone and that others have walked similar paths. So, keep writing, creating, and sharing your unique voice. Together, I truly believe that we can bring more light to the world. As Rumi beautifully wrote, “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”

Embracing the Journey

Have you achieved a lifelong dream? What was it like when you published your first book? Are you journeying from darkness to light? I'd love to hear about your writing journey, the surprises and the lessons learned along the way. In closing, I encourage you to let your voice be heard. By embracing your creativity, you move closer to the light, further away from darkness.

Like the seeds in Kristin's story, remember that some things cannot be rushed. Periods of dormancy are necessary for nurturing our ideas, honing our craft and navigating life’s unexpected challenges.

Thank you for walking this path of love and creativity with me.

Yours in words, Deborah

If my words strike a chord and you feel inspired to dive deeper into my poetry or explore my essays on Jungian thought, I invite you to visit: The Liberated Sheep